


And Where He Goes I'll Follow

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Post-Episode: s15e05 Pornstar's Requiem, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 21:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4935931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If this is an attempt to stroke my ego…it’s working a little bit.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Where He Goes I'll Follow

“Counselor?” Olivia opened the door for Rafael Barba.

“I'm going to get drunk.” He waved a bottle of Maker’s Mark as he walked over the threshold. “I'm going to get drunk tonight and you're not going to stop me.”

“You might be halfway there.”

“Briggs is a son of a bitch. He's a goddamn son of a bitch and was actually threatening to hold me in contempt. Do you know how many women refuse to come forward because of actions like this? Do you know, Sergeant?”

“I do as a matter of fact.” Olivia nodded. “Have you eaten today?”

“Do not mother me right now.” He pointed at her. “Now is an extremely bad time.”

“I'm not mothering you.” Olivia gently took the bottle from his hands. “I’ll pour you a drink.”

“Yes. Yes, I need a drink. Thank you.”

He followed her into the kitchen, leaning precariously on the counter. Olivia took two tumblers from the cabinet, pouring one for him and a little for herself. Then she got some ice for her tumbler.

“Ice.” He slurred. “That’s sinful.”

“You drink it your way, Counselor, and I drink it mine.”

“Can you believe that son of a bitch? We got a guilty verdict on a college rape case. Twelve New York County residents stood up and said that a sex worker has the right to say no. This was after days of watching her pornography.” He drank half his drink in one take. “What in the hell was he thinking? To say, with a straight face, that he saw genuine remorse from Pryor. You’ve got to be kidding me. And then that speech…I want him pulled from the bench and stripped of his credentials.”

“You know that’s not going to happen.”

“Why are you so calm? You should be angry. You should be seeing red. This is bullshit and you know it, Liv.”

“If I let my justified anger take control every time a victim didn’t get their justice I would’ve been in rubber room a long time ago.” She put her hand on his shoulder.

“I want to hit something.” Rafael was trying to control the tears. This case had gotten to him. He’d been prosecuting rapists for years now and had seen some awful things. But to hear a judge, a man of intelligence who had centuries of law at his hands, tell a victimized young woman to take stock in her life…it took all the control he had to jump over that bench and make mincemeat of Briggs’ face.

“Noah just got a new sock ‘em bop it. You can have at it.”

“What?”

“C'mon, let's sit down OK.”

They walked into the living room. Olivia sat on the couch and put the bottle of liquor down on the coffee table. For a little while Rafael stood. He was pacing a bit; she could feel his mind racing. This case hadn’t been easy for anyone involved. 

Even they had exchanged some heated words during the battle. Olivia knew she needed to apologize for that. She did know him better than that. Though drunken Barba wasn’t on her long list of things to handle right now, just him being here in this condition showed that he was exactly the man she thought he was.

“Sit down, Rafael.” She patted the couch beside her.

“I hate my job somedays.” He flopped down and drank the rest of the whiskey. Then he just held the tumbler in his lap.

“I hate what we have to deal with sometimes. I hate seeing victims not get the justice they deserve. I never hate the job.”

“Never?” He looked at her with skeptical green eyes. “Never?”

“No.” Olivia shook her head. “As sad as it might be to think about, there are more Evies in the world who need my help. I'm just more determined to make sure that the next person gets the justice she couldn’t.”

“Just pour me another, barkeep.”

Olivia poured him another drink. She wasn’t exactly sure of Barba’s tolerance levels. On a regular night he was a two scotch man and then maybe a beer. On bad nights she’d seen him have four, walk out with a straight back, and hail a cab. Olivia never saw him with a hangover and at their age it would be difficult to hide. She'd cut him off after the next one. Three plus whatever he had before he got here would be enough.

“I'm not just angry Liv, I'm…” he sighed. “Billions, billions of people have access to pornography daily. They watch these films starting from a young age and they believe that this is the way to engage in sexual behavior. Nothing about it is romantic. It teaches domination, humiliation, fear, and a conquest complex. It shows men that women are there for entertainment purposes only. It’s disgusting.”

“I'm not overly fond of it myself.” She sipped her drink. Tonight was not a whiskey night. Olivia got up, went into the kitchen, and poured a half glass of wine.

“What are we going to do about it?” Rafael asked when she sat back down.

“I have no idea. It might not be easy to focus on at the moment but you really knocked the ball out of the park. You won what some would consider an unwinnable case. Against all odds, and a lot of doubt, you never gave up.”

“Whoopdee doo.”

“Well I think it’s great. I was in awe of you the entire time I sat in the courtroom. Your cross examinations should be taught in law school.”

“If this is an attempt to stroke my ego…it’s working a little bit.”

“You didn’t everything right, Counselor. I'm sorry that I lost faith in you.”

“I tried to pretend that didn’t hurt.” He said.

“Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we say things and we’re wrong. I want to apologize.” Liv put her hand on his knee. “I want to make sure that we fix things with each other.”

“Me too.” He nodded.

They sat back on the couch in silence. Both were drinking and thinking separate things. A few times Olivia looked at Rafael but wasn’t quite sure what to say. His anger was surely justified, though it was good that he calmed down some. The set aside threw them all for a loop. 

To add insult to injury, Evie was getting kicked out of school. Then Dodds had given Olivia a very stern talking to about her confrontation with Hudson University’s President. Politics were bullshit and they were all over this case. It would only make her work that much harder for the next person. No doubt, with the atmosphere over there, SVU would be back at Hudson in no time.

Sighing, she put her hand down on the couch. It didn’t take long for Rafael’s hand to cover hers. He gently stroked his finger back and forth over her skin. When his fingers laced with hers, Liv closed her eyes and held on tight.

“Can I stay?” he whispered.

“Yeah.”

“It’s not just about falling into your bed because I've been drinking.”

“You’ve been there sober, Counselor; it’s alright.”

“I still want you to know.” Rafael finished his whiskey. His angry heart wanted one more. His stomach knew that was a very bad idea. “I care about you, a lot, and I never want you to think that.”

“I don’t think that.” Liv shook her head. She turned to look at him. His eyes were glassy but a lot of the anger was gone. He was tired and felt defeated. She knew that feeling well. Olivia leaned over and kissed his lips. “You're not like that.”

“What am I like?”

“Do you want me to go there? Right now?”

“It might be as good a time as any.”

“Fine. You can be stubborn as hell, Rafael Barba. You're brilliant and a little vain. You don’t like being wrong, but can mostly admit when you are. You're handsome, and sweet even when you pretend not to be. 

“You can be high strung but that’s the coffee more than anything. It gives you a lot of your powers, or you think it does. You're loyal but not blindly so. You're loving but hide it most of the time.”

“Never with you.” Rafael shook his head.

“No.”

“I am so in love with you, Liv.”

She believed him. It would’ve been nicer to hear it sober but that was another battle. He kept so much inside, Olivia had no idea how he didn’t explode. She knew from all their talks that his childhood had been tough. His teenage years were tougher. Rafael Barba had a lot of baggage. Liv understood, as she had a pushcart of her own.

“I love you too.”

“What are we going to do about that?”

You didn’t just love someone and do nothing. Did you? There were probably a million reasons for her not to get involved with him, not the least of which was the conflict of interest in their working together. It had only been six months since she and Brian Cassidy ended their relationship though Rafael thought it was over long before that. That was probably just wishful thinking on his part. 

Olivia probably had no intention of jumping into a new relationship. She also had a child to think about now since Rafael knew that she planned to adopt Noah. But was it fair to push love aside just because of some obstacles? Did Romeo and Juliet push love aside because of obstacles? 

No, they did not. And the result was about 15 dead people, including the teens themselves. Rafael didn’t want a Shakespearean tragedy. He'd be content with a Garry Marshall romantic comedy. Was even that asking for too much?

“I think I'm going to have one more for the road.” Rafael extracted his hand from Olivia’s to pour another drink. Just a nip, enough to clear his head or something like that.

“I thought you were staying.” Olivia said.

“The road to bed then.”

“Ahh, OK.” She nodded. “I don’t know what we’re going to do about it, Rafael.”

“We shouldn’t overanalyze it tonight. I've had a lot to drink and I just barged in and dropped things on you. That wasn't right. I'm sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” She kissed his cheek. “It’s time to call it a night. C'mon, you can finish your drink in the bedroom.”

He needed a little help getting up from the couch. Once he did, Rafael put his arm around Liv and they walked into the bedroom together. There wasn’t going to be any hanky panky tonight; that wasn’t what he was there for. He was just there to be close to her. 

He was there because parts of him felt empty and Olivia always filled him up. A noise came from his diaphragm when he sat down on the bed. Rafael was surprised when Olivia crouched down in front of him. She took off his suit jacket and then started loosening his tie.

“Liv…” he put his hands over hers.

“I'm helping you undress.” She moved his hands. “It’s been a hard day and you deserve it.”

Rafael didn’t know if deserve was the right word. He wasn’t going to be able to come up with anything to challenge it at the moment. Who deserved such a woman stripping them bare, literally and figuratively? Who deserved such a woman touching them, kissing them, stroking them, until they cried out in the most pleasurable ways? Who deserved to hear such a woman call out their name when they responded in kind? Rafael wasn’t sure he did. As he lay naked, sated, still drunk, in her arms, and Olivia stroked his hair he had no idea how he got so lucky.

“I love you.” He mumbled, on the precipice between dreams and reality.

“Sleep, Counselor.” Olivia rubbed his back. “Just let go.”

Olivia hadn’t expected tonight to end as it had. She wanted him. She wanted to heal him and make him feel whole. She wanted him near her, on her, inside of her…there was no reason to deny it. Friends with benefits was never something that she was comfortable with, at least with Rafael. 

That first time was an accident. Though the idea always make her smirk; not many people accidentally have sex. They definitely don’t twice in one night. It was the natural order of things for them. Strangers, colleagues, pals, friends, and then lovers. No step had been skipped or rushed through. 

Olivia was fighting feelings for him that she didn’t quite understand when she was in a relationship with someone else. She didn’t want to fight anymore. That didn’t mean it was going to be easy. With all that she’d been through in the past year, something needed to be easy. How was it possible to make one of the most amazing, yet challenging, men she’d ever met just stop and let it happen?

***


End file.
